The Love Dare: Day 10

DAY #10:  Love Is Unconditional
"God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ dies for us."  Romans 5:8

TODAY'S DARE:
Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse.  Something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else.  Wash her car.  Clean the kitchen.  Buy his favorite dessert.  Fold the laundry.  Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.

MY REFLECTION:
I was so proud of myself today.  I stopped and bought my hubby an iced honey bun and a Mt. Dew and had it waiting for him in front of his coffee cup.  I proceeded to run a hot bath for him, I greeted him warmly... then... wait for it... wait for it... It was less than thirty minutes after he emerged from the bathroom that we were snapping at each other.  And we didn't catch ourselves!  Ugh!!  Satan makes me so mad!!  The truth about Satan is that he truly comes to steel, kill and destroy anything that we let him sink his claws in.  And for those of us who are married, Satan loves to attack the marriage.  Ever since beginning the journey on the Love Dare this time, I have encountered a challenge every step of the way.  Satan is not happy that I have a desire to make my marriage stronger and "fireproof".  If your spouse, you or your marriage under attack today, STOP!  Our strongest weapon is the Bible and it's the LIVING word of God.  Remember,

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."  John 16:33.  God never said it would easy, but He did say He would never leave us nor forsake.  It's comforting to know that I can mess up.  And even if I don't always get the desired response from my husband, my God knows my heart and He is always there and knows all about me and the decisions I make, the wise and the foolish.  Thank you Lord for guiding me in Your will.

"He who trusts in the Lord, lovingkindness shall surround him."  Psalm 32:10

 To read today's full dare from the book "The Love Dare" by Stephen & Alex Kendrick please copy and paste to your address bar the link posted below.

http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/15/Love-Dare-Day-10.aspx

The Love Dare: Day 9

DAY #9:  Love Makes Good Impressions
"Greet one another with a kiss"  1 Peter 5:14

TODAY'S DARE:
Think of a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse today.  Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm.  Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.

MY REFLECTION:
Just the other day I had to ask my spouse 3 things that irritated him about myself.  He shared with me that how I brushed him off when I greeted him irritated him.  How ironic that this dare would find me only days after that confession.  Today was Sunday, therefore we were together all day.  Not exactly the best day for this challenge.  I had resolved to change how I greet my husband already, so tomorrow would be the best day to put my greeting to the test... or so I thought.  My husband and I laid down for a nap after lunch and didn't wake until late in the evening.  I got up later than my husband and eventually ventured out into the living room.  He was so happy to see me and spoke to me enthusiastically, like he had been waiting for me to get up.  I started to mumble an unintelligent response and realized quickly that God had given me an opportunity to greet my husband according to His word, and we never even left the house.  I smiled at him and gave him a kiss.  My husband then proceeded to do something that only happens at rare (VERY RARE) moments.  He completely opened himself up to me and was very transparent.  He revealed some deep insecurities that he has and concerns for the future.  He was so humble and sincere!  I love that man.  God is so good and even when we think something in impossible or inconvenient He shows us different!

"For I have come to have much joy and comfort in your love."  Philemon 7

 To read today's full dare from the book "The Love Dare" by Stephen & Alex Kendrick please copy and paste to your address bar the link posted below.

http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/14/Love-Dare-Day-9.aspx

The Love Dare: Day 8

DAY #8:  Love Is Not Jealous
"Love is as strong as death, its jealousy as unyielding as the grave.  It burns like blazing fire"  

Song of Solomon 8:6

TODAY'S DARE:
Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy.  To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it.  Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.

MY REFLECTION:
Do you ever have good intentions to do something and then let your flesh get in the way?  That's what happened today.  I let a moment of selfishness rob me of a potential good conversation with my husband.  I had good intentions of bringing up some things that my husband had recently done that I was proud of.  THEN... life happened!  Attitudes.  Someone said something one way, it was interpreted another way, one thing led to another... small argument....  I didn't feel like boosting my husband up at the end of that particular "discussion".  So, I never got to tell him how proud I was of him.  How many days have gone by that I have let a disagreement come in the way of telling my husband how proud I am of him, or how I honor him, or how much I love him?  Today really made me think about how petty many of those disagreements have been and how I should never have let them rule my decision to keep such encouragements from my husband.  He needs to hear them!!  I burned my list of negative attributes with the decision that I will focus more on the good qualities my husband possesses versus the negative.  Focusing on the negative can only rob us of the joy that God intended for us to enjoy today!

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep."  Romans 12:15

 To read today's full dare from the book "The Love Dare" by Stephen & Alex Kendrick please copy and paste to your address bar the link posted below.

http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/13/Love-Dare-Day-8.aspx

The Love Dare: Day 7

DAY #7:  Love Believes the Best
"Love believes all things, hopes all things."  1 Corinthians 13:7

TODAY'S DARE:
For today's dare, get two sheets of paper.  On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse.  Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet.  Place both sheets in a secret place for another day.  There is a different purpose and plan for each.  At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.

MY REFLECTION:
WOW!  To be honest, it was difficult to write both lists.  I have attempted this love dare in the past and on this specific dare, the negative list has always been easier to write and much longer than the positive list.  Not so this time around.  I put a lot of thought into what I truly found desirable in my husband and on the flip side, the things that really detest me.  This is the man I fell in love with, all of him, the good and the bad.  So, even his negative attributes aren't so bad.  They make him who he is.  One of his positive attributes that I listed was dedicated and loves God.  I recognize in my husband now, (too selfish to notice in the past), that he loves God and desires to change the negative things that influence his and my life.  He honestly works on those things and has gotten so much better.  I think that's why this dare was difficult.  We all have negative flaws, and I hope that my husband sees that I work on mine every day and that I have a desire to be the woman that God has designed me to be so I can be a better helpmate for my husband.  I'm a lot less inclined to point out his faults.  We are all works in progress.

I told my husband that I loved that he is a dedicated man and strives to do the things that he thinks I like and that I love him for that!

"If there is anything praiseworthy -- meditate on these things."  Philippians 4:8

 To read today's full dare from the book "The Love Dare" by Stephen & Alex Kendrick please copy and paste to your address bar the link posted below.

http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/12/Love-Dare-Day-7.aspx

The Love Dare: Day 6

DAY #6:  Love Is Not Irritable
"He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city."  Proverbs 16:32

TODAY'S DARE:
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation.  Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule.  Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.

MY REFLECTION:
Today, my husband and I were at Lowe's purchasing the items to finish our master shower.  Needless to say, we got into a full blown disagreement right there in front of the shower heads... which is a pretty public and inappropriate place to argue.  We both caught ourselves and apologized profusely to the employee standing a few feet away, who just a few minutes earlier had been trying to help us and I rudely dismissed.  Ugh!  Not me at my best, to say the least.  We apologized to one another and asked for the others' forgiveness.  The disagreement was so unnecessary and we both new that to begin with, but stress led us both, head first, into the argument.  There was no margin at that time.

For me, the translation for margin is simply this, grace.  What areas in my life have I not extended grace?  That is the question, and to be honest, a lot!  I like to think that I show an abundance of grace when I don't let my anger loose, in other words, I hold my tongue.  But I am still irritable in certain cases.  I do believe that there are times that I do exhibit grace, other times, maybe I'm just real good at self-control.  I believe that the triggers for my irritability is due to stress, selfishness and pride... some key reasons that are mentioned in today's full reading that you can find at the link listed below.  I believe that we all have room for "margin" in our lives, beginning with our spouse, children and with ourselves.  We don't need to have unreal expectations on ourselves or we are bound for failure.

Very simple:  I need to add margin to my life when it pertains to my relationship with my husband, my kids, homeschooling and work!

"The words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious."  Ecclesiastes 10:12 

 To read today's full dare from the book "The Love Dare" by Stephen & Alex Kendrick please copy and paste to your address bar the link posted below.

http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/11/Love-Dare-Day-6.aspx

The Love Dare: Day 5

DAY #5:  Love Is Not Rude
"He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him."  Proverbs 27:14

TODAY'S DARE:
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you.  You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior.  This is from their perspective only.

MY REFLECTION:
I have discovered it is not just in my imagination that I don't get many opportunities in the week to have heart to heart conversations with my hubby.  It took two days to be able to ask him what three things about me irritate him.  It was almost like pulling teeth.  I finally had to ask him if it was really that hard to come up  with 3 irritating things, or if he was afraid of how I would react if he was honest with me.  I reassured him that I would not attack him or be offended by his response.  He said it was because it was 11:00 at night.  Touche!  Two of the three things he mentioned were not news to me.  He's told me before, the revelation is, I obviously haven't been doing so great at working on them.  The third thing was new.  1.  He doesn't like it when I correct him in front of others, including our children.  2.  It irritates him that I question his expertise in certain areas.  3.  He doesn't like it when I brush him off, for whatever excuse, when he comes home in the evenings and greets me.  Now, I could sit here and justify all 3 of these things.  But rightly, and fairly, I cannot.  I do not do the best at working on these.  As a wife I should be exhorting my husband, at home and in front of others.  I should be doing all that I can to set him up for success and not for failure.  When it comes to his expertise, I believe there is something to be said about not always having to be correct.  I know for myself, I have to fail sometimes in order to learn how to persevere and learn from my mistakes.  It's always nice to have someone encouraging and supporting around that, even if they know the correct way, they don't say "I told you so" or rub your face in your mistake.  I need to be more encouraging and supporting of my husband.  And the third thing, I fuss at my husband all the time about not giving me and the kids some attention when he gets home.  I get so wrapped up in the things that I'm doing when he gets home that I don't even take a few seconds to return his smooch half the time.  Talk about eating my own words, YUCK!!  Needless to say, this day's dare has shown me that I have room for improvement!

"The words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious."  Ecclesiastes 10:12 

 To read today's full dare from the book "The Love Dare" by Stephen & Alex Kendrick please copy and paste to your address bar the link posted below.

http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/10/Love-Dare-Day-5.aspx

The Love Dare: Day 4

DAY #4:  Love Is Thoughtful
"How precious also are Your thoughts to me... How vast is the sum of them!  If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand."  Psalm 139:17-18

TODAY'S DARE:
Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day.  Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them..

MY REFLECTION:
This was a tricky one.  I am out of town and not in a real good position to do anything much that my husband would need me to do.  Also, where I was staying I didn't get good reception on my phone, so, I thought, what's the point?  I'll wait till I get back home and double up on a a different day.  Now, let me remind you that my husband has NO idea that I am in the midst of The Love Dare.  He called me today to see how I was, what my plans were for the day and..... get this.... if there was anything he could do for me while I was gone!!  Crazy!!  I'm supposed to be doing the dare on him and it's like God said, "Let me show you how faithful I am.  I'm going to surprise you, Cindy, and show you that I am actively working in Tommy's life."  I was blown away!  I told Tommy that he could pray for me and he asked me if I would pray for him (he's not been feeling well lately.)  So, even though I thought that I couldn't do today's dare, God showed me there is always a way to be thoughtful... NO EXCUSES!!  Thank you, Lord!   

"I thank my God in all my remembrance of you."  Philippians 1:3 

To read today's full dare from the book "The Love Dare" by Stephen & Alex Kendrick please copy and paste to your address bar the link posted below.


http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/09/Love-Dare-Day-4.aspx

The Love Dare: Day 3

DAY #3:  Love Is Not Selfish
"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor."  
Romans 12:10

TODAY'S DARE:
Whatever you put your time, energy and money into will become more important to you.  It's hard to care for something you are not investing in.  Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today."

MY REFLECTION:
I was not able to do this dare the way I would have liked.  My husband dips and I never buy his chewing tobacco for him.  Along time ago I refused to buy it, since he already smoked I didn't like the thought of supporting 2 yucky habits.  Well, I gave in and bought his chewing tobacco for him.  He was so surprised that I had thought about it!  I love being able to surprise those that I love!  I very rarely surprise Tommy, so this was a treat!

"Where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder."  James 3:16 

 To read today's full dare from the book "The Love Dare" by Stephen & Alex Kendrick please copy and paste to your address bar the link posted below.

 http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/08/Love-Dare-Day-3.aspx

The Love Dare: Day 2

DAY #2:  Love Is Kind
"Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."  Ephesians 4:32

TODAY'S DARE:
In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

MY REFLECTION:
Those of you who know me and know me well, know that I am a late night person and if you want to talk to me, not to call me before 11am ... if you want me to be conscience.  Some mornings I meet Tommy getting up and I'm getting ready for bed because I have stayed up reading or I have fallen asleep on the couch and his shrilling alarm clock wakes me up!  This morning was one of those mornings.  I had fallen asleep and was awakened to the buzzing of his annoying alarm.  Normally, this irritates me and I go off to bed.  Not this morning.  I got up, went to the kitchen, and readied myself to fix my man a big breakfast of blueberry pancakes and hot fresh coffee.  I even served him.  He was VERY surprised that I didn't immediately go to bed and he thanked me.  He said that he enjoys talking to me in the early morning hours when it is just the two of us and it's quiet and peaceful.  As that comment took root in my heart and warmed me to my toes, it also made me feel guilty.  Why haven't I made the sacrifice in the past to do such actions more often?  Selfishness!  I have wanted him to sacrifice for me ALL the time and I think I get to pick and choose what I will and will not sacrifice.  Huge revelation!  I believe that I sacrifice "things and stuff" to benefit my family but if there are times that I'm choosing and picking selfishly, then can I really consider it a genuine sacrifice?  Something to think deeper on and ask God to reveal more of my weaknesses and fashion me more into His likeness.

"What is desirable in a man is his kindness."  Proverbs 19:22 

 To read today's full dare from the book "The Love Dare" by Stephen & Alex Kendrick please copy and paste to your address bar the link posted below.

 http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/07/The-Love-Dare-Day-2.aspx

The Love Dare: Day 1

I have begun the 40 day dare.  To say the least, it is my 3rd attempt.  All other times that I have tried to complete this challenge I have failed to make it past day 20.  I should have heeded the warning at the beginning of the book a little more seriously...

          "'Receive this as a warning.  This forty day journey cannot be taken lightly.  It is challenging and often difficult process, but an incredibly fulfilling one.  To take this dare requires a resolute mind and a steadfast determination.  It is not meant to be sampled or briefly tested, and those who quit early will forfeit the greatest benefits.  If you will commit to a day at a time for forty days, the results could change your life and marriage.  Consider is a dare, from others who have done it before you."

This is the opening page of the book.  It was definitely a "true" warning, not just an introduction page.  My past attempts have most definitely been taken lightly and with selfish motives.  My motivation was that if I took the initiative to do the things that were instructed, then I could hold my husband accountable to the same actions.  If he wasn't doing them, then I could hold it over him and have one more thing that I could point out that he didn't care about and had failed at!  You see, I always let him know when I was doing the challenge and I expected him to get on board too.  PERIOD!  VERY selfish!  Not the best approach for being a good wife who blesses and sets her husband up for success..... I have learned much in the past 4 years and have felt compelled to, once more, to attempt this dare, with the hopes that my motivation is for far less selfish reasons.  Beginning with not letting my husband know that I am taking the Love Dare!


DAY #1:  Love Is Patient
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."  Ephesians 4:2

TODAY'S DARE:
Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart.  For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all.  If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything.  It's better to hold your tongue that to say something you'll regret.

MY REFLECTION:
My husband is very rarely home so, we don't spend a lot of "quality" time with each other.  When we do get the chance to spend time together, it is spent catching up on what bills got paid, what bills need to be paid, how the kids are doing in school... etc... you know, normal married conversation.  But that's the extent of our conversation and the majority of the time those discussions end up in a disagreement of sorts.  Thus, leading me to this love dare.  I want to change that in myself.  I want my husband to be my friend again.  So, about the dare... I'm usually pretty quick to point out when my husband speaks negatively or to point our something that I think he needs to work better at it.  (Remember, I'm a work in process too!! :)  Today, my husband was home most of the day and it was GREAT.  Not a single argument, not one negative word, and we actually curled up on the couch and snuggled together and fell asleep, in the middle of the day.  It was nice and reminded me of the days before we were married when we used to stay up and talk about EVERYTHING into the wee hours of the night.  I look forward to the coming weeks and see where this journey takes me in my relationship with my husband and God.

"Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger."  James 1:19

To read today's full dare from the book "The Love Dare" by Stephen & Alex Kendrick please copy and paste to your address bar the link posted below.


http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/06/Day-1-of-The-Love-Dare.aspx